i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize