Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
