bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
There are leaves in my underwear?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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