Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
