If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
