Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
