next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
