So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
