Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
