i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
