Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
