It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
