I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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