Plan B is the new Plan A
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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