Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
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