worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
