At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize