from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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