Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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