just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
