Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
