Taylor Swift is so right about you.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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