she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
