I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
