Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
the raccoons are back...
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