No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
