We won't sleep together?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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