Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
