is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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