One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
