Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize