That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
