i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
