I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
