i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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