so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
