I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
