Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
