And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Randomize
