He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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