she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
