Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
