i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Randomize
