If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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