Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
cat food counts as protein by the way
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
