I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
