Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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