I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize
