I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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