i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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