Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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