You work out of a Hotel?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize