the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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