May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
i believe in u and ur pee
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
