He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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