After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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