The maid of honor just puked.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
