We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
