drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
