Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
