I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
