there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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