Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
