Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
This baby is an asshole
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
