I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
