I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
