i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
