The maid of honor just puked.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
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