she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
