I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
