I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
