Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
is wine microwaveable?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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