The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Randomize