So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
