Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
